Hate me? I hate me too. Hurt me? I hurt me too.

Why do I do this to myself? Sitting alone, listening to all the songs that remind me of you, and the ones you put together on that CD for me. Sobbing to myself, trying to keep as quiet as I can. Why can’t I just move on? I haven’t had an actual conversation with you in over 7 months. Jesus fucking christ. I am the most pathetic person I know. I deserve every fucking cut I’ve given myself. Useless piece of shit.

HOLY SHIT, these are good. Ask me some.

1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?
2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way?
3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them?
4. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?
5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust.
6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not?
7. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most?
8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say?
9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not?
10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
11. Does love = sex?
12.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not?
13.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person?
14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite sex, you love them or that you do not love them back?
15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?
16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you?
17. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why?
18.Imagine it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?
19. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?
21.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision?
22. Are you old fashioned?
23. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?
24.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?
25.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?

I just want to get drunk again, like last Saturday

When we just sat outside and smoked and drank. It was one of the best nights of my life.

I had confidence and didn’t give a shit about what I was doing. And for once, I felt good, happy. If that’s what it takes for me to feel alright, then so fucking be it.

This is honestly the worst feeling ever. It’s like this wave of sadness just falls over you. There’s a knot in the pit of your stomach, making you nauseous, sick. You start crying and can’t seem to stop, covering your mouth so no one will hear your hysterics. Your whole body shaking. You try counting to ten to calm yourself down, but can’t seem to even make it past three. The scary part is, is that you know this could happen to you anywhere. Home, at school, at work. And you can’t stop it. All you can do is break down and pray it passes quickly.